I'm mikey! I am a racist! I went to college and majored in more things then everyone else because I am smarter then everyone! I then became a train conductor and got shot! I wish I was john grisham! What is this erection thing everyone is talking about?

Tbone here folks with a terror update: Mikey J's shlog is still up and running. He has claimed that Muslims need to be killed and are guilty until proven innocent. This is big news! I just went into the store that is underneath my apartment and bought a couple of polish beers from a couple of Palestinian men (okocims, as you may have heard from "the polish drinking song"). No, it gets worse. They were actually speaking in Arabic to each other and I think they might have been plotting the downfall of all western civilization. But don't worry, I took the beer and ran so I wouldn't support these anti-American factions. I thank mikey J for opening my eyes to the evils of all Arabs.

In addition, I was walking to band practice today and noticed how high the gas prices were. I ran to the nearest Arab run market and flipped them off and told them "long live America". They all said they have lived in America for at least 15 years and supported my stance of continuing this great nation. I flipped them off again and cursed them for not understanding my ignorance.

One of Tobias' laws of music is that your band has to have a member over 50 years old unless you're The Good Flame. Arguments can be made (Flecktones, MMW, etc.) but since it's a post, let's see who you think the greatest geezer band is. My vote= Pink Floyd. You know, speaking of which, if they just got over their differences and toured again, the world would shit as one.

Mikey J is a bizarre human being. I'm talking BIZARRE ASS MOTHAFUCKA.

Right now, he's going off on RIDICULOUS anti-Lord of the Rings posts, but he's clearly seen the movies 1000 times or more. He draws reference in such intimate detail, it would be impossible for him not to have seen these movies a bazillion fucking times. He than goes on to make outragous claims like Sauron is the good guy of middle earth and what have you. You should see the size of these friggin posts. He's obviously obsessed with it, yet he claims to hate it. What does that remind me of?......

THE GOOD FLAME! He even went so far as to post ANOTHER picture of us, post NEW sassy (but definitely not funny) talk bubbles. PUT OUR MUSIC ON HIS SHLOG FOR 2 DAYS, and create links for us. Does this sound like someone who really doesn't like The Good Flame? Or perhaps, does it sound like someone who longs to give us blowjobs on our massive bus?

Nextly, he put his picture back up. Now ladies, I know you're used to such handsome faces as ours, but this guy is, shall I say, not as fair of face as we. He's got that awesome white-trash handlebar mustache. He's Kiwi-trash.

Tobias here, the most rockin, most kick ass, most rockin show ever is coming to you August 28th at the Ohm. Prepare yourself for a mighty performance. Mighty, I say, mighty. The rest of the details are forthcoming. That reminds me of a really great joke my grandma told me. What do you call a woman who's been introduced to the Good Flame? Forthcoming! Hizah for Tobias and his stellar wit. I want a cookie.

Tobias here, and I got something to say. Go to Cheify shlog, I think that list might be about us. Mikey J has one chromosome too many. I'm good at everything. If Jenny McCarthy wanted to fuck me, I would fuck her back. If Cheify wanted to fuck me, I wouldn't be surprised, just sad. Very, very sad. Not every man dies, but every man really lives. Shaboigan. James Bond is only slightly cooler than me. Mikey J is Lucas. You remember that film from the 80's about the total gimp. Yeah, that's Mikey J allright. Lucas the homo. I like peanuts, and it doesn't even matter if they are honey roasted or not.

Kick ass show coming...... details later.

I suggest everyone heads over to mikey's shlog because he has a great picture of us up there with some funny words written on it. At first I thought we was probably just some lame wannabe author but after reading the stuff about the hamsters being up our asses I now know that he is really gifted. He really took me someplace! The way the story progressed throughout the picture almost brought me to tears. I am also glad he is going to a more comic oriented style on his blog. Most of the people who go there have trouble reading things without pictures. All those years of school really paid off mikey! How does he come up with this stuff?!? We also have some shows coming up. Stay tuned.

I got a good buzz going, here's a song:

What the fuck is up girl?
I want to take a picture of your birth canal
Show me them tits
Or I will die

Oh yeah, bitchy bitch ass bitch
Oh yeah

Let me nestle Pedro into your Love nest
The jury's out, I cummed
I certainly made a mess of things
It's your house, you pick it up

Oh yeah, bitchy bitch ass bitch
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, you vagina support system who I just invaded boner-style.

Professor Tobias here, ready to teach the world a little something about music. Numba one: Britney Spears is a MODEL, not a musician.
Numba two: Frank Zappa is the Father of all modern music. Numba three: If The Good Flame didn't write it, it's SHIT, unless your band has members who are 50 or older.

Oh my mothafuckin God! I have come up with the greatest advertising tool of all time: fliers. It will change the way bands get their name spread around. The idea is to have a picture and witty phrases on a piece of paper that you post on power lines downtown. You could right a phone number a bunch of times at the bottom, then rip lines so people can take a small piece of the flier with the number on it!! Isn't that a great fucking idea! Could ya shit?!! Could ya SHIT?!!!

Today is Friday.
Tomorow is Saturday.
Check out this really cool insult generator.
It comes up with some cool stuff!

Who keeps voting for Frampton?

Not even little Timmy likes mouthy Australians..

You know what would be funny? Naked sprinting races. Imagine a naked man and woman racing eachother, pumping their arms and legs as fast as they can. She's good at keeping toned, but her butt's always been a problem area. We see that know as her jiggly ass jiggles. Her boobs bounce furiously from left to right, bouncabouncabouncabounca. Her vadge's hole takes in a tremendous amount of air, and with every step a quiet quiefe can be heard. I don't want to talk about the dude.

Why is it that some people are just born with talent and some people have to work so hard to get kind of good at anything? It's just not fair, is it?

What becomes of a man's soul if he sells it? Does it go into a closet and wait for eternal damnation, or does it bump nasties with other sold souls?

I've heard alot about magic beans lately. Anybody know where I can get a few? Just a few, I'm not greedy.

Can my erection avoid poking people in the eyes? Yes. Will it? No.

I hear if you shave your pubes for long enough, that one day if you let it grow, it will cover your entire panty or brief area to give the illusion that you are wearing an extremely curly speedo.

If there's a turtle in your mouth, get it the fuck outa there.

Don't leave for vacation if you haven't paid the hooker. Cause pimps get mad at that shit.

Tbone here with a brand spankin' new good flame contest. Here is how it will work: You great folks that have come to our little site (after you go to thegoodflame.com and listen to some sultry tunes) need to click the comments button and list your top five albums of all time. The winner will get a prize. This is not going to be a stupid cheap prize, it is going to be a really cool cheap prize. So to recap the contest, post in the comments of this posting your top five albums of all time. Then press send and I will look at them and see if anyone gets it right. Because some people have different tastes I will not knock you points for putting the albums in the wrong order you just have to get all of them listed. Hopefully this isn't going to be too complicated for our friends in the southern hemisphere, I tried my best to keep it as simple as possible...and nooooo...ACDC is not on the list.

Hey guys, Wallace here with some interesting sites I have stumbled upon today. Check em out!
http://no-undies.net A site from some Canadians. Very explicit.
www.funny-boners.com. The name says enough. Adult humor.
Also this is my favorite site of the month. Check it out if you have a decent connection and a set of headphones(it's a music video bitch!)
www.funnyjunk.com/pages/smurf.htm
Also this has one of the funniest things I have ever read. It's the Friday, May 7 posting. I almost crapped my pants.
www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=sororitygirl
Hope you like these.

Wallace here. I must say that that there Jamie Jameson is one cool chick. She has a fucking awesome site. I hope she can handle the sexual power of the almighty trio ( I'm not talking about God here folks). My vote is for her though.
Many exciting things are going on in the world of The Good Flame. Soon we may be able to bring you new music in a much faster time frame. Also now you can contact any one of us, or the whole group. So any of you with letters describing your inability to think due to the impression that the very thought of our boners left on you, can now write to us individually and hopefully share something more.... (like Fucking!!!!). For our full contact list check us out at www.thegoodflame.com.

Okay, Tobias here, with The Good Flame's 100th post! It's true, count 'em. This is a special post because I have to give props to THE GREATEST BLOG I'VE EVER SEEN, www.sexeducated.blogspot.com. I believe the girl who runs it is named Jamie. All men sould be ashamed at their lack of intercorse with this woman. By my standards, she's EXACTLY what this crazy, mixed up world needs more of. I DARE YOU to disagree with that statement (I'm talkin to Billy, Chiefy, and Mikey J here).

If there were ever reason to get excited, it's my boner.

I was walking through a dessert in this dream I had last night. It felt very strange to walk, and when I looked down, I saw two legs that belonged to a camel, and when I looked behind me, I saw two more. Then I heard a man with a very thick accent tell me to stop moving. "Fuck you, bitch," I said, "I don't feel like stopping. I want to find some shade." The man with the accent dropped the water holder he was carrying in amazement. Then he brandished his gun at me and he started screaming. "I wanna love ya, mate, I really do. But my cripplin' fee-a of my own homosexuality forces me to hurt ya. Now I'm gonna apply all my crock fightin' trainin' to stick a Jolly Rancha in ya brain." The man with the ridiculously stupid sounding accent began to load his weapon anew with bullets of Jolly Ranchers. That's when I bit his hands off. As the man with the accent cried like a bitchy bitch, I offered him some advice, "Walk it off, bitch." He cried more. Watching such a pathetic display encouraged me to find out who this silly accent person was. "Who are you?" I asked.
"A bitch," he replied.
"Well I came to that conclusion already," I was starting to grow impatient, "But Whooooooo are youuuuu?"
"The adopted love child of Chiefy the Cowardly Pigfucking Coward and Mikey J. They raised me with the belief that I should have sex with men, and now I don't have any hands so I can't give any guys handjobs." He began to sob. That's when I got an idea.
"Well, hey little bitchy boo bear, it's okay. You can still give blowjobs. In fact, why don't you start by giving my enormous camel shlong a snog. And while your doing it say biscuts and gravy over and over." He dove in. The rest of the dream is a little fuzzy. All I remember is hearing the words, "bibiths ab brabee, bibiths ab brabee," and then I woke up to Mikey J's mom, gobbling my own human weiner saying those magic words, "bibiths ab brabee."

Have you ever tried to go to mikey or chiefy's site and just explore from there? Give it a try! You just point and click, point and click and you find wacko after wacko after wacko. You find people that are slaves, real slaves! It makes me feel for them. Maybe their daddy didn't love them enough...or maybe thier daddy loved them too much, if you know what I mean. Maybe they never grew pubes (I know that is mikey's problem) Or maybe they all live in the suburbs. But this is the new game that I have invented. Go to mikey or chiefy's site and avoid the address section of your toolbar. All you can do is click from site to site and if your can find a site with any mention of rationality you get a prize. By rationality I mean anything that qualifies as an actual original thought or is not driven by ideology. Good luck and happy searching! Just email us. We could even call this a sociological experiment. This is scientific so to protect the integrity of it all please be honest. I am actually curious if it is possible(for it to be done, not for people to be honest). I have tried over and over again and cannot seem to do it.

As a testament to those who have not heard the album yet, I suggest you check out Cheify the Cowardly Pigfucking Coward's review of "The Good Flame Medley" on his website, Bastardswho'sfather'ssexuallymolestedthemleavingthemtoturnintofanatic-
rightwingidealogswhohavesexwithdudesinc. It's really a pretty shitty site except when we make it better. Seriously, read anything he writes that doesn't involve .The Good Flame. You can actually hear the lack of passion. Anywho, this guy claims to hate us, yet even after taking steps to eliminate our presence from his site, continues to talk about us, visit our site, listen to our CD, make official Good Flame targets, etc. Sounds more like the behavior of a particularly obsessed groupy to me. But, the point is, read the venom in Chiefy's words. They say you only hurt the one's you love.

Well, now that the album is available to all, I think it is time to open up this forum to questions. Feel free to ask us anything about the album, the band, or music in general. We also offer services such as telling you if your band sucks and we do weddings. Yes, we now do weddings! For booking information just email us. We have to apologize in advance for our Australian tour being canceled but contact our management for private appearances. So thanks to everyone who made this possible, mainly tobias, wally b, and tbone!

If it wasn't official before, it is official now. We have defeated our enemies so viciously and completely that it cannot be argued. Now that The Good Flame's brand new full length kick ass pussy fucking CD is available to all on www.thegoodflame.com, nobody could possibly claim to have bested us. All we, The Good Flame, have to do now is point to the perverbial score board when the other team talks shit (rather shitily at that). We have bested them. They will never, EVER be able to compete with us again. Because now they know. Now the understand the true power we always talk about, the power of the frog. For it was he, Frog Chief himself who reached down and bestowed the power onto us with the mere stroke of his mighty hand. Avast, you cowards, for our armor is adoned, our blades are sharp, and our courage, unbreakable. The Good Flame is here, I say to you. The Good Flame is here, and we shall never go away.

Hey Everyone.
Wallace here with exciting news.
Day by day the web page grows.
What's on it now?
Why a bunch of fucking great music....
That's right. You heard it here first. The Good Flame is proud to anounce that the entire album is available free for all of our fans.
Be the first to get it at www.thegoodflame.com

Hey Guys! Wallace here to say that a very exciting thing has happened today. The very first page of www.thegoodflame.com has been completed. Now I know it's not much (Mikey J. must be sick of saying that by now) but is's a start. The next step will be to make the album available on the site. It's the least we can do for our hard-rocking fans.

Tobias here, I'm cool. Have a good day. Unless you are a jerk. Than have a so-so day.

I just read the funny story over at mikeys site and must say it was good for a few laughs. It even inspired me to post a little musing of my own. I will admit that it isn't that great but I will edit later:

to the tune of bobby brown by Frank Zappa

Hey there people I'm Mikey J
I am the only extremist that is totally gay
My teeth are gone, my country is dusty
My right wing views are a little musty

Here I am on the world wide web
Trying to hide all the men in my bed
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
As long as chiefy gives me a golden shower

Oh god I am the American dream
I'm a clueless fuck that smells like vasaline
And I am a right wing son of a bitch
I got to get rid of my herpes because they really itch

Okay, I know this isn't great but I will work on it. Also, for you youngsters out there, it is okay to consider yourself conservative or leaning to the right. I do, but I don't let the extremist make me feel guilty about it. No one takes extremist on either end seriously. I dismiss mikey and is ideology because it creates a barrier to reality. Look at the issues and create an opinion, but always look at it objectively. We will not get anywhere if we listen to Bush and we won't get anywhere if we listen to Kerry. We won't get anywhere if we listen to Ralph Nader and we won't get anywhere if we listen to Arnold Swarszzneiiggerkkhjdgbber (gov of California). Don't create an ideological barrier for yourself. I am a free trading, pro-choice, pro-tolerance person. People confuse tolerance with loving everything. I do not love everything that I can tolerate. I support less government intervention. I want to live my life however I want to. I support more free trade. I mean, if the Australians can produce the wacky wall crawler more efficiently then we can we should import them from them and we can send them things like computers and the communist manifesto. I spoke with tobias about leaving politics off of our blog and I am sorry that I have posted this without asking him if he minded but I thought this all needed to be said. I do not speak for tobias or wally b. These are my own thoughts and my own feelings. I have one more feeling...mike fucks dudes.