Even if you are weary of internet war, I would suggest that everyone hit up www.imao.us and read the comments under the post headings "God is Angry" and "Move On... to indiscriminate killings!" because I feel pretty proud. Some of my best work in a while I think.


The Quality Control Alliance is doing very well for itself, thank you very much.


I'd like very much if everyone could go to www.kufo.com because on the Cort & Boomer show, they are currently accepting CD'S and MP3'S!!! They are doing this as a preliminary round to find an apprentice, I believe. But if everyone sends in MP3'S of The Good Flame, they might be more likely to remember me. I think I'll wear a hat when I go down there today. Perhaps a fez.


Lastly, I already have 50,000 confirmed orders for the outragously popular Tobias wallclock. Think of it, every second of the day, Tobias is getting you through, letting you know when "Law & Order" starts, letting you know that you're late for work, letting you know that it's 4:20 (not for any particular reason, you might just be looking at the clock at that time), and fucking all your house's girl clocks.

Well, I think I have shattered any hope of a friendship with the IMAO kids. I just informed this Frank G or Frank J or whatever the fuck his name is. Wait, his name is Francis Sans Mighty. I just made that up, anywho, Francis Sans Mighty left 3 or 4 new posts, all without adressing the fact that he eroniously referred to himself as mighty. Well, I think we all know how Tobias the Dragonslayer gets when arrogant ass right wing bottom poppers ignore him. I think I cut to the core of this gay-ass gay guy with my accusations of cowardice and fiendship. I think if you go to the last post wherein I mentioned IMAO, you will begin to see a pattern of massive toolmanship that must be stopped. I recommend that you all pay a visit to www.imao.us and let them know that they are shitty shloggers.

I'd also like to make mention of the new church sign for Quality Control. The Whittler did a great job, and I think it's going to srike serious fear into the hearts of man.

May I just say that I have never in my life seen merchandise so grand as that of The Good Flame. Tbone and Wally did a tremedous job. I predict that the Tobias wall clock is going to be a huge seller, a huge seller. The only items left that I can think of are shotglasses and beer steins.

I just got an okocim downstairs and they have a new logo and a new slogan. this is a great beer that The Good Flame wrote a song about on our album that is available for download at thegoodflame.com. The bottle is all white except for a polish women and the slogan "O.K. Beer...Okocim". I love it! The top of the label still says "piwo okocimskie" which I think translates to "I will get you fucked up if you let me" and judging from the drunk polish men I had to kick off my stoop, it is working.

So it looks like we have been doing reviews here and I , tbone, want to review a couple of books that I think everyone should read, especially younger people.


capitalism: the unknown ideal: This is by Ayn Rand and is a great book for people to read any time, but especially in an election year. It is one of the most motivational books that I have ever read and Ayn Rand actually has some pretty funny little things that she adds in. It is really just a collection of articles that she, Nathaniel Branden, and Alan Greenspan wrote but they all speak great truths. It makes you love yourself because it tells you that your crazy original thoughts is what makes you a person. Alan Greenspan is the most entertaining of the trio of writers because he really writes like an economics 101 textbook and claims the fed is the problem with today's market place. Now he is the head of the hypocrisy? I don't mind, I like the old fuck. All in all I give it 4 vaginas.

The Romantic Manifesto: (again by Ayn Rand) This is great book for artists. It gives a reason and direction for people who create. It reminds you, if you didn't know already, that there is good art that serves a real purpose and translates true things and there is bad art, but bad art isn't really bad art, it is mostly mikey j's manuscripts. If you create in any discipline, whether it be music, visual arts, dance, or architecture I think this is a great, no essential read. It is a short book but very dense. I had to read sections of it a couple of times to really grasp it, but it is worth it. Invest some time and take a look at what you are creating. Rand is also pretty funny in this one. 4 yummy vadges!

I know that I reviewed two Ayn Rand books here and they are both non-fiction. You should read her fiction books also. I would review "Atlas Shrugged" and "The Fountain Head" but I would probably bore most people and ramble on for days. Those books should be read-no invested in, but these reviewed books are good bathroom reads. Capitalism:the unknown ideal is perfect for the can because all the articles are really short.

I'd like to advertise the greatest blog I have ever seen, www.tobiasthedragonslayer.blogspot.com. I set it up so that I can do my political viewmanship and promote the book when it's ready to promote.

I'd also like to mention a third party to fall victim to The Good Flame's mighty internet war. Please, do yourself a favor and check out www.singmyregret.blogspot.com because Zach used to be this silly emo kid. One day, The Good Flame stumbled upon him, ripped him apart, and now he hasn't posted since June. The blogging community thanks us, and we accept your praise. When you get to the shlog in question, read some of his posts (just to reassure you of how grossly shloggy it is) then read the only comment that still exists. I think it may have been the perverbial straw that broke the camel's back.

Mikey J the Dude Fucker's shlog has been pretty fun to go to lately. Ever since I got de-banned, I've made a serious effort to tone down the rabid-frothing-at-the-mouth-ranting. And that has opened up a whole new door for me: Actually crippiling an intellectual oppenant's words. Now, obviously I'm biased to myself, but I really think I handed him his bitch card on a couple of issues. Number one, I accused him of being a racist because of overzealous remarks he made about not liking Muslims. Firstly, he accused me of not knowing the difference between a race and a religion. Most people who blog here have the reason to see why someone who made the type of comments Mikey J did would be construed as a racist, so I won't even explain myself there. Nextly, he continued the same type of overzealous remarks claiming that the people of Islam want to see me and my way of life die. This has the intellectual merit of a booger. What a dumb fuck.

Dudes, check out www.imao.us because I found out that HE HAS DECLARED HIS OWN SEPERATE INTERNET WAR!!!! He also draws stick figures. He claims to be mighty, and I have asked him to prove it. Very interesting developments.

The Google bomb is a concept that I have a very light grip on. As I understand it, you either type the name of someone or something, and you add an adjective to it. Then when someone googles the noun (after it's been typed enough times), the sight will pop up and people can read , "Martha Stewart-Sexy Bitch." Or even, "Howard Stern-Alpha Frog." Now it seems to me that one could only benefit from this. People who might otherwise never hear of The Good Flame or their budding Alliance, might google to find information on kites, and lo and behold, it says, "Kites go in your bottom. THE GOOD FLAME IS HERE!!!"

Now, as we all know, Tobias the Dragonslayer invented internet war months ago when we got Bill Sardelled. I say we get drunk with power and declare war on all shlogs and all shloggary. It will be a tough fight, but a good one. And we can all rest a little easier at night knowing that someone out there is fighting the tools.

Tobias here with my two cents. I really like Tboner's suggestion of "Quality Control" for a name for our little alliance. Joe? Whittler? What are you thoughts? If everyone can come to an agreement, I think we should make a church sign, and if anyone ever joins up, they have to copy and paste the church sign, and that makes you a member. Theeeeeeeen we can create a special link section for member's blogs. Good idea, right.

"Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right" by Al Franken: This is a very, very funny book. I like Al's politics, but even if you don't, read the book for entertainment value. I will say that I did get hella bored during the economics (sorry Tbone) chapter and the Chickenhawk chapter, but every other chapter was filled with laughs and insight. It recieves 4 vaginas.

Joe, did your fuck buddy really shag Weird Al? That's so fucking cool. Did you fuck her after he did? Cause that would mean you got Al's sloppies, and brother, there's no other sloppies in the world I would love so well.

Ali, mikey j's new lackey, left a comment here last night that really got me thinking. I replied with a couple of drunken ramblings, but this morning I think I really want to say something about it.
What the leftist scumbag did to mikey j is heroic by mikey j's standards. Someone felt that mikey j was a danger and because his views disagree with the leftist scumbag's there should be a preemptive strike to protect freedom for everyone. Maybe mikey j' blog was getting to big and his crazy views getting into the hands of the wrong people? He then opened up his site to be a breeding ground of stupidity-I mean, ideas, for a bunch of people and his ideas lost out. Doesn't he understand that he is now liberated? In a while he will understand that what happened was for the best. Look over there now, he has a nice little template, and comments are starting up again, and he has another little lackey. The rebuild process is starting and I hope the leftist succumbs stays until the job is done.

I don't think this way! I preach the exact opposite thing over and over again. I don't agree with this sort of rhetoric and don't support the kind of "freedom" that occurs and the end of a gun. If our two blogs were countries this would be America and his would be one of the many countries that he hates. He tried, with the man blog, to bring together ideas and create a place were people could debate freely, but his philosophy prevents that from ever happening. I know this may sound a little extreme but I truly believe that mikey j destructed himself because when someone posted on his site they did it under his umbrella of tyranny and hatred. They were posting out of permission and not by right. This encourages the same alienated type of people as the collectivism that mikey j claims to hate but continues to encourage. The United States is the country that I live in. I love it here as does everyone else who participates in The Good Flame's blog. The U.S. is an exception in the world. It is the only country in the whole world that was built upon reason and not by chance, or years of tribal war fare. Because of that, disagreements can take place and discussion can happen freely without someone deciding to destroy everything (The destruction that does take place is a result of restricted markets and government control, but that is not what this is about) We don't all agree politically at this blog, but none of us destroy this site because it is a place of freedom and a place were man is encouraged to express his free will. Wallace, Tobias, and I post here because it is our right to. What we post here is our property but is shared with eachother and the cyber world to make it a better place. There is no central leader here. posts that encourage no discussion fade away and new ideas are posted. Mike J cannot, because of is ideology, cannot let that happen and his site collapsed because of this. It was not the leftist succumbs, it was a lack of reason and logic. At the end of a weapon there is no expression of man's ability to invent, produce, and expand. So there is nothing at an end of a gun. A market regulates itself, with out coercion, and with out sermons of hate. This is why it all crumbled Ali! But you probably got stuck up on a grammatical error like mikey j always does.

The Good Flame is going to have some merchandise for purchase soon. Bumper stickers,
t-shirts, and mugs. So start saving up your beer money!

Not a lot of time today fellow bloggers. I just wanted to give you all an internet kiss, and let everyone know that I internet love you.

The leftist scumbag who took down mikey j's site is a hero and the good flame salutes you! No one over there had anything to say and we appreciate what you have done! Keep up the good work!

Well that's the last time I eat an entire bottle of viagra I'll tell ya that much.

I just wanted to point out that Sherry (the cunt) made a post on "the man blog" about something called "flaming". We have never heard of this term, and our name came about long before it did. We do not go around flaming people. We just spread the love, logic, and reason. A "view from the dong" you might say. Check this posting out! She is making reference to us!

To conclude.............

Spinal Tap: Was it you who invented laughter? Everthing that seems funny to me now all stems from what you created in 1982. I've seen your DVD that includes an acoustic set. I donh't know if I'm biased because of The Good Flame, but isn't acoustic music the cat's meow? I mean, you were over the top! 5 vaginas! I used to have a dream that one day The Folksman would open for Tenacious D who would open for The Good Flame. Now the dream is to have The Folksman open for Tenacious D who will open for The Good Flame who will sword fight with Spinal Tap, lose, then listen to Spinal Tap's acoustic set, than close the show with all the bands playing together. Goddamnit, please be my friend.

"Weird Al" Yankovic: As early on in my life as I have memories, you have been there with me. You were the first you truely showed us that comedy and music could be a comercial success. You sir, are with me always, in the deepest trenches of my heart.


To adress the blogging communty.............


I propose some sort of official alliance. We can make up a name and everything. I think Joe and the Whittler are in, what about you bitches? Wanna be on the cutting edge? Let's give it a shot and see what happens. This is the world wide web. There could be no end to the things we can do.

Good ol' Joe found a totaly awesome sit called www.churchsigngenerator.com and it's a whole butt load o fun.

There are 10 Dudes on the planet Earth who matter, and this post is for them.

Howard Stern: You are the Alpha, without you, would any of us have ever thought we could make a girl orgasm on the radio? Would we have ever thought that a guy (no disrespect intended, sir) who's slightly less than "attractive" could fuck any girl he wanted to, become the leader in naked porn star interviews, and other stuff too. Don't you see, Mr. Stern? Sterny 5000. Too soon for a nickname? Sorry, but my point is that it should be you who finally reaches down and plucks The Good Flame from their sorry-ass middle-class lives and propels us forth to Starsville, USA. We are so alike, sir, so alike. You could say that if Howard Stern did not set the precident, there would be no titty sniffing contest. You've given us so much sir, and you ask for nothing, yet still I prithee consider us worthy. For I consider you sir, the closest thing the world will ever know of Frog Cheif. A band that you put on your show called Pig Vomit wrote a song entitled "Vagina," And it changed my life, Sterny 5000, IT CHANGED MY DAMN LIFE FOREVER!!!!!!

Conan O'Brien: Remember me? I'm the one who bothered you on vacation in Ashland OR while you were eating ice cream. I was the ruggedly handsome fellow in the ridiculously oversized straw hat (see picture above) and Denver Nuggets jersy who put a CD on the chair next to you and said, "Thank you. I like you very much," than dashed away. My dad said that you probably threw the CD away, which could be true. You might have even listened to it and liked it, but didn't think to email us because you asumed we were already extraordinaraly famous. I think that's it. Anywho, you are a guest in my home every weeknight that I stay up that late. I've offered you food, water, beer, a mint, and always you refuse! You owe me! You don't really owe me, I'm a bad person. This hasn't gone the way I wanted it to at all. Shit! I LOVE YOU, COCO!

Jack Black: Okay, this is a big one. Good Sir, I implore you, heed these two words. Apprentice band. That's right. The Good Flame has felt the sting of comparison, and damnit I will not deny that our music has been influenced by the great deeds of Tenacious D. But think about it, why should we waist our time with this pointless feud? Let us combine our powers and take the world by force, eat it, poop it out, and sculpt it in our images.

Kyle Gass: Remember me? I'm the guy who saw you in Portland OR at the Roseland. You threw a pick at me (I could tell because you made eye contact and gave a polite head nod), but someone else snatched it in midair. You saw this, and then you threw a second pick, which I caught successfully and have kept to this day. I also got close enough to ask you to sing "Bowie," and you were actually going to sing it! You walked over to Jack and said, "Let's sing Bowie, he wants us to sing Bowie." Than Jack said, "No we're not singing fucking Bowie." But damnit sir, you tried with the heat and intensity of 1000 suns, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Apprentice band, you feel it don't you. I knew you did.

Will Farrell: I think I misspelled your name. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm so sorry sir. Anchorman showed me exactly how beautiful a human being can be. You sir, are that beautiful human, and I mean that in an almost completely nonsexual way. I followed you on your journey on SNL, and oh what a ride it was. For years, the only reason I watched that show was because you were going to be in some sketches, and I knew I was going to laugh my nipples off. Let's have coffee. You know, just hang out, get to know eachother better. You know, what's your favorite color, do you have a dog, where's the best antique shop, that kinda thing.

Tre Parker & Matt Stone: Let's cut the bullshit shall we gentlemen. We need to write a musical together. "Hannibal the Cannibal," musical. "South Park the Movie," musical. "Baseketball" and "Orgasmo," shoulda been musicals. Think about this: A musical movie about vaginas. Cast: Vaginas. Singers: Vaginas. Sets done by: Shaved, bare ass vaginas. Only we could do it.

Spinal Tap & "Weird Al": I gotta go, you guys rule!

Howdy Folks! Wallace here with exciting news. The Titty Sniffing Contest, from the successful Ohm show, is now available on our web page. Just check out The Good Flame on the world wide web to hear all those wonderful titty's getting sniffed.
Also congrats to Juniper our Titty Sniffing Contest winner and all those wonderful boobies that participated.

We have done it again folks! We shut down a crappy blog! Mikey J, after a couple of months of squirming like a fish out of water, has called it quits. This is a battle won but the war is still waging. Our resolve is strong and as these shitty blogs get shut down people will realize that reality is non-partisan and actually driven by reason. Mark one up for the team!

Okay, one last thing. Thank God for Good ol' Joe because I was reading his blog, and he made a post about how a TBN minister paid a drug dealer to keep quiet about the gay sex they were having. Heraing about religious fanatics' downfalls is always great, but then Catalyst4Christ left a comment (as well as a homepage). I don't have the time now, but I swear by Frog Chief, Catalyst 4Christ is goin down by my hand.

This post is about sherry (the cunt). I stumbled upon her shitty blog a while back and gave my opinion about some crappy poem she had posted and then she banned me. I don't like to get banned but it is her shlog and sherry(the cunt) can do what ever she wants with it. Sherry (the cunt) is now following me around the internet, tracking down comments that I leave, and saying that I don't belong. Well Sherry (the cunt), grow up! You decided to threaten me and my response to you is... get over it! I can say what ever I want to say here. You have no control over that. Sherry (the cunt)...What's got into you? Just because you can't handle a little foul language and a splash of name calling doesn't mean that everyone else cares to hear about it. Go fuck yourself!
Sherry (the cunt) is the biggest bitch I have ever encountered! She is dumb, white trash, and a fucking slut! What else can I say about sherry (the cunt)?

Oh heavenly bastard. I'm working all day today, so I only have this short time to speak with you. Item #1 is something that may shock and disturb you more than anything on this blog ever has before. My girlfriend has never seen the "Back to the Future" movies. Untill last night when we watched the original. Now, as she becomes one with Marty McFly, so shall you via The Good Flame's time tested rating system.

"Back to the Future" recieves (drum roll) 5 douched and fruit-scented vaginas!!!!!!
How can you possibly disagree with that? How many movies can you think of that have a Delorian in it? Do you need anything else?

Also, I'd like to mention a little something about cowardice. Cowardice is a disease that, unfortunalty, some are born with, and some attain over a lifetime of psuedo-cowardly acts. Now, if someone says something (or types it let's say) that you don't like, what would an honorable course of action be?
*To respond with words of your own.
That's it. If you delete or ban, it suggests that you have been out-smarted. It suggests that the antagonist in the situation has made a statement so infaliable, that in order to avoid accepting your comupance, you just turn your back on the situation (the heat of fire is easier to bare on your back than on your chest and face). If you feel that the discorse is "out of your box" than why bother responding at all? The offense you took should not exist if it is in a conversational relm you are unable to keep up in. That's much different than cowardice. If you don't know what your talking about, don't talk. But if your offended and you have something to contribute, you therefore contribute, and the response was written in a way you dislike and you delete and ban, you are a coward. America was built for people who are UNAFRAID to speak their minds, listen to others and then talk about it in any way anyone involved in the discussion wants to. That includes swear words and reproductive organ inuendoes.
This is the major problem I have with the enemies of The Good Flame, they claim to be bastians of intelligence and American values. Bullshit they are, I believe it was Benjamin Franklin who said, "Pass me a beer, the Australians and Southerners are talking." But he listened, didn't he. Then he looked those Australians and Southerners right in the eyes and handed them their bitch cards.

Cheify the Cowardly Namecalling Pigfucking Coward- Bitch and Coward since 1776
Mikey J the Dude Fucker- Bitch, Coward, and Lover of Men's Bottoms since 1776
Shelly, The Good Flame's Favorite Crackwore of Ill Repute- Bitch and Ign'ant since 1776
Gary the Unborn Fetus- Bitch and covered in some kind of goo since 1776

I found a really funny blog that everyone should check out. This lady daisy is a really bitchy, ignorant, female version of mikey. She is white trash, wears a betty boop t-shirt, and is wearing a pair of lime green stretch pants that have a cigarette burn on the upper thigh. Underneath the burn hole you can see a band aid. She also is just not very smart. Honestly I am still trying to figure her out because she seems somewhat un-human. Maybe from another planet...like Georgia.

I just wanted to say happy rosh hashonna to everyone. I guess this is the Jewish new year, but I don't know all the details. I am sure there is a bagel and a dessert or two involved. All I know is that I have a five, yes five day weekend! I borrowed from Rabbi Lazer's blog for this but here is some info on traditional rosh hashonna foods: (click for a link to see the foods make noise)
Apples in honey - signify our wish for a sweet new year.
Carrots - in Yiddish are mehren also meaning 'increase'. We ask the Almighty for our merits and our offspring to increase.
Leeks - in Aramaic are karti, also meaning 'to cut off'. We ask Hashem to cut off our enemies.
Beets- in Aramaic silka, also meaning 'remove', and pray that our adversaries be removed.
Dates- in Aramaic tamrai, also meaning consumed, and ask Hashem that all evil be consumed (yetamu).
Gourds (eg. Pumpkin, squash)- in Aramaic kara, and ask The Almighty to tear (kara) evil edicts against us and proclaim (kara) our merits.
Pomegranates- and ask that our merits should be as numerous as the seeds of a pomegranate.
Fish heads- asking to be fruitful and multiply like fish, also that we should be leaders, and not followers (heads and not tails). Some people also eat the meat of a lamb's or calf's head, with the same intent. Tongue is considered part of the head, so it also qualifies for this purpose.

So enjoy your tongue everyone and munch a Carrot for me because the new year is going to be full of Hutz pah!

Tobias sat there in front of the computer screen, rubbing his eyes in disbelief at the words he read. John Kerry provided aid and support to America's enemies after he returned from Vietnam. How could this bitch be any dumber? Sherry, The Good Flame's favorite Crackwhore of Ill Repute had just earned herself a new nickname and a post on their mighty blog.

I'm sorry, but does anyone else see how fundamentaly retarded this Sherry woman is? You'll never get to read the comments I left for yourself because the bastian of free speech and intellegent debate herself is a deleter, a banner, and a coward. In sumerization however, I give you an abridged version:

Do you realize how swiftly and severly John Kerry would be punished for that? Especialy someone who's military record has been so intensly scrutinized.

Don't you think that a news story of that magnitude would get some coverage? And don't give me that "liberal media" bullshit because it doesn't exist and FOX NEWS would run screaming into the night with that information.

Why do you have to be a stupid, stupid southerner? I say once you left the Union, your vote counts for 3/5 of an intelligent person's vote.

You provide no example or any kind of evidence to support your claim. NONE. Only a quote from the constitution that she cut up with a bunch of..... .....those. I don't trust..... .....those kinds of quotes.

Trying to stay away from the political stuff, but this one wasn't so much disagreement on a policy as it was me being blown away that someone that dumb can say things that dumb and have more dumb people read it and leave even dumber comments praising their dumb writing.

Wallace here with two, count them two! movie reviews.

Review #1 (The first review)
Run Ronnie Run
The guys who brought us Mr. Show, Bob Odenkirk and David Cross, bring a fantasticly hilarious comedy to the table with this great film. The two buck-chuck story line is this: a guy who gets arreseted a lot on reality television. This movie was packed with funny.
Rating: 5 clean and trimmed vaginas!

Review #2 (The last review)
Bubba Ho-Tep
Bruce Campbell is a very funny man. He is also a great Elvis in this cult classic. Opposite Ossie Davis, who plays a black JFK, the duo battle an evil soul-sucking mummy that's 4000 years old. That's some serious evil. This was a great film. It also had a great soundtrack done by Bryan Tyler (yes that's the Bryan Tyler!)
Rating: 5 excellent, ripe nineteen year old, with a good C-cup and a trim figure, vaginas!

On a personal level, I would like to say that I have purchased tickets to the upcoming Van Halen concert. I have to say that the anxiety for rock has already set in. I will be somewhat excitable for the next couple weeks. If you look under your chairs safety goggles and panchos have been provided for your safety.

So as many of you know, around the holidays The Good Flame has done a show for charity for the last few years. This holiday season will be no different. The question right now is what charity we will be raising money for. We have done breast cancer (we saved at least 47 titties) and lymphoma, but this year we are going to do something really special. I think we have over done the cancer thing so we are ready for something else. We are going to keep you posted but would love to here some feedback. We have raised lots of money for our charities and this year is going to be bigger and badder then last year. So give us a shout out and let us know what is on your melons-I mean tits-no, I mean minds!

For the Whittler:

When the world was made, only the frogs, crockodiles and dragons existed. At first there was relative balance, but the Alpha Dragon Zelren craved domination. He and his dragon army wrought forth a terrible war. On that day, led by the Alpha Frog, the frogs adoned their armor and sharpened their blades for battle. Even the women and children bore bows and arrows. The crockodiles, with tails between their legs, fled. And then came Zelren's wicked wrath. At battle's end The Creator saw what Zelren had done, and let me tell you he was pissed off. With a thought, dragons were wiped off the planet. The Creator knew then that his creatures needed guidance, so he took up the soul of the slain Alpha Frog and made him Frog Cheif, spirit guide to the frogs. He then sacrificed the life of the cowardly Alpha Crock and made him Crockodile Cheif.

Thousands of years later, when the Creator's own son Bealzibub created the fossa, and the world's second war began, the Creator mad humans to fight them. Humans were too superior to the animals for their own spirit guide, so to remind them of their place, the humans honor all other spirit animal guides. Thus beagn the cults. To this day, the memory of the first war caused a most undamagable feud between the Frog Cult and the Crockodile Cult.

Every now and again, an incident so grave will occur, that it's necessary for Frog Cheif to reach down and summon his greatest followers to bestow upon them the power of the frog. We, The Good Flame, were three such followers. Only when summoned by Frog Cheif himself can a person recieve a Frog Blade. Made with Frog Steel from the spirit world, they are so sharp, spirits could be cut.

So, if you have any more questions, the will be answered one day when I finish The Good Flame's very first novel, "The Dragon Song: As Recalled by Tobias of The Good Flame"

Tobias here, with a final thought for the day to everyone: If the clit's bigger than the rest of it, stay away because that means she's one of those bitches who will make you fuck even before the standard 10 minute wait inbetween spooges. Not that that's always bad, but after the 13th or 14th time you just want to sleep, am I right?

Once again, Tobias graces the blogging community with his wisdom. Today is the first time in a long time where I've had several hours to myself to do as I pleased. And people, blogging is it. Now that we have a rating system, I'd like to take it for a test spin, let's do movies.

"Kill Bill Vol. 2" - Obviously one of the best movies to come out in recent memory. 5 vaginas from Tobias. Once again we get to hear Quintin Tarantino's famous dialouge, and we get to see a little more of his action style that he perfected for "Vol. 1." I know it's the same movie, but I enjoyed "Vol. 2" even more than "Vol. 1" because of a few reasons. The first of which is David Caradine's performance was PHENOMANAL. I'd say that I was disapointed to see how little he ends up fighting, but alas, he is getting on in years and I would find it more depressing to see a lackluster kung-fu performance from the master himself. However, he delivers his lines perfectly, and I think this role outshines his role as Kane in "Kung-Fu." Nextly, the climactic confrontation between The Bride and Elle Driver was exciting, and ended with such a bang, I rewound it TWICE just to see it again. Lastly, Uma Thurman, like a few other women I can think of (Madonna, Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock) actually gets better looking with age. What a fox.

"Josie and the Pussycats" - My girlfriend bought it and forced me to watch this peice of drivel that will receive 3 boners. The only reason I give it 3 is because this is the first time I've used this scale, and I want to have a little room for error. But this movie sucks. Music=Boner, Acting=Boner, Story=Boner. 3 big ol' boners.

"Spy Kids 3D" - I give this surprise hit a whopping 3&1/2 vaginas. Seeing a movie in 3D is something I haven't done since the time I saw that creepy Michael Jackson movie at Disneyland. So that in it's self was pretty cool. I was REALLY stoned when I saw it so I'll give the comedy aspect of it a 2 vagina margain of error. However, what I will stand by is the cameo appearances. Top of the list= Steve Buschemi and the funniest thing I have ever seen Elijah Woods do.

Greetings friends, Tobias here, with just a few items for discussion.

Item 1: I've recently just seen a 1980's teenage vampire movie called "The Lost Boys," and Tobias gives it 5 out of 5 vaginas (our highest rating, our lowest is 5 out of 5 boners). Not because the movie was made well, or because the acting was great, or the story that compelling. No no, this movie was fufilling in a different way. When our hero's brother is turned into a vampire, he is forced to call on none other than the power of the frog. Edgar and Allen Frog, the Frog Brothers, Vampire Hunters. Even though they are only 13ish, these brave Frog Warrioirs stuck a steak into the heart of a vampire amidst the vampire's flock (what the fuck is a group of vampires called?), push another into a bathtub of holy water and chopped garlic, and they arm and train our hero for battle. My favorite line comes from Edgar Frog, speaking to our hero in regards to his brother, "If he gets weird or vamps out in any way I swear to God I'll steak him without thinking twice." Good for you, Frog Warrior, The Good Flame salutes you.

Item 2: Why is it that we cannot find smart people to challange us? Mikey J the Dude Fucker is WAY tired. His feeble attempts are no longer even entertaining. It's like when you babysit the retarded kids at Easter Seals and their parents are two hours late. Are they really not going to show up? You ask yourself. But in this case it's, "Is he really that ignorant and stupid? Run in circles little boy, you're bothering me."

Item 3: Bittersweet can just lick my fucking pussy, someone really ought to tell that girl, THE GOOD FLAME CANNOT DIE!!!

Wallace here with the latest in breaking news.
I have found the worlds craziest line-up of musical perfomers.
Drum rolk please.............................................

House of Blues presents a special evening with:
The Scorpions
Tesla
and Keith Emerson of ELP and The Nice!

How much fun would that show be!
Also, please take a bath, you smell like Bigfoot's dick.

This lady over at bittersweet really needs to relax. All I did was stumble upon her shlog and I read a poem that was posted there. The poem was nothing short of awful and I mentioned that it might make a great bluegrass number because it all rhymed and had a simple structure appropriate for that kind of music. She has freaked out and went and banned me from her site and said all these mean things about me. I think people should grow up a little bit and be able to accept a little criticism every once in a while. I wasn't trying to bait mikey j, We have already defeated him. He is old news. Sometimes he comes over to Good Flame HQ and licks our nuts but we just let him do that because we know how much he enjoys it. We are on the search for a challenge. Not a nitwit like him, and not an overly sensitive uppity woman like the one over at bittersweet. I was just adding my two cents! But if it is a battle you want I will gladly oblige. We still haven't banned anyone except bill sardell and that was for his own safety and sanity (see, The Good Flame has a heart). Come one and come all because I can take it, unlike most folks out there!

shitty site of the week is...:bittersweet!. The funniest site I have seen in a long time. Not funny "ha ha" but funny "what the fuck".

I just went over to Mikey J the Dude Fucker's shlog (Tobias here) and boy oh boy (Ididn't think it was possible) it's even shittier than it has ever been before! The flower that you see initialy is superimposed over a quip about warriors wearing flowers to show their power. You are no warrior, Mikey J, you are a weak, handlebar mustachioed dude fucker. What makes you think that REAL warriors (like we Frog Knights) aren't going to see right through your bullshit? Also, he's full swing into crazed, right-wing noise making like I haven't seen in some time. It's like watching a blind mouse who's sure his mouse whole is right in front of him so he just keeps smashing his head into the wall. He never gets home, but he runs harder into the wall every time he tries (In this brilliant metaphor, Dude Fucker's the mouse, a scrap of recognizable human intelligence is his mouse hole, and the wall is his rock solid ideaology).

Greetings friends, Tobias here. Have we mentioned how fucking kick ass the show was? We have? Okay then, I'd like to mention to all our flamers that you need to begin the fore play for our next show (Xmas timeish), because once all the details get hammered out, it's gonna be BIGGER, it's gonna be BETTER, and it's gonna be HARDER than even the legendary performance at the Ohm.
Nextly, I'd like to turn the attention to the blogging community. We all know that the Whittler's an ally, but have you ever scrolled through his blogroll? Funkwit is a favorite stop of mine. They crank out some pretty witty stuff over there. Our good friend Joe's been on the blogroll for several months now, and I'll vouch for his consistancy in good writing. And thank God for Jamie Jameson, who's blog should come with kleenex or a sock or something 'cause if you don't clean up it stains.
Lastly: Mikey J the Dude Fucker and Cheify the Cowardly Namecalling Pigfucking Coward can just lick my fucking pussy, and I hope they like the taste of my undoucshed vagina.

I just wanted to direct everyone's attention over to the whittlers blog. Not only is it fun and interesting, he wrote a stellar review of the good flame album. So check it out and leave him a note.